Above: Faces of Mirth as Dylan and I (first picture) unwrap a AC/DC tabletop pinball machine and (second picture) trade it for a box of crap at Xina and Jeff’s 100-person, 6th-annual, make-sure-everyone-leaves-with-hurt-feelings Yankee Swap.
What is a Yankee Swap? A Yankee Swap is like Secret Santa but with a deeply malevolent edge. Everyone brings a gift and takes a number. #1 picks any gift. #2 picks a gift, and then they can either keep that gift or swap it for #1’s. #3 can keep their gift or steal #1’s, #2’s, etc. The competition is dirty. The emcee (Jeff) asked us, “Are you going to keep the pinball machine or are you going to trade it?” “Well, we actually had our eye on the box of crap.”
When I say box of crap, I mean: empty eye-cream jar, almost-empty spray saline, old eyeshadows, open box of condoms, National Grid electric termination notice, prayer card for recently deceased individual, some twine, two used sticks of deodorant, ketchup packets and a bottlecap.
Notable gifts:
- Our gift, which was a gift box containing 2 CDs of Green Day’s Dookie, 1 cassette of Green Day’s Dookie, a flash drive containing lossless FLAC files of Green Day’s Dookie, a book of guitar tabs for Green Day’s Dookie, and the book “Green Day: Revealed”
- Kitana sword + pre-ban Four Loko
- Bunch of knives + pre-ban Four Loko
- Unicycle
- 40 of Old E + a sledgehammer with a hangtag that said “Key to the City!”
- Twister + box of condoms
- Pillowcase with a photo print of Michael Jackson “Bad”
- A humongous, heavy box that upon opening revealed all of its weight attributed to free newsweekly magazines. It also contained a $25 gift certificate to Big Dogz Ink (important petition)
- Waffle mix + waffle iron that once people figured out made dinosaur-shaped waffles was one of the hottest swaps of the night
- Poppers
- Mayim Bialik Blossom doll
- Buncha candy with a receipt for $5 of candy purchases and $10 in change taped to it from someone who mistakenly believed there was a $15 minimum to enter the swap
- Garbage bag-sized bag of popcorn tagged “Secrets inside!” The “secret!” was a real gun.
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